The Good Instead of the Bad . . .

These past few months have been pretty stressful for me as many of you know; yet, I haven't spent enough time talking about the good things that have happened during them-- and there have been many good aspects. I just hate when all the negative, stressful and jolting events overshadow all the moments that made me smile. So for a little change of pace, I will go over those moments now and hopefully be smiling with every word I write.

In no particular order:

The first thing that comes to mind is my wonderful five year anniversary with my wonderful boyfriend. I couldn't afford to do much for him so I made him some Chex Mix muddy buddies (which he loved) and then I made him a coupon book with little things like "40 minute long massages after a long day" and "A homemade dessert of your choice." He liked these coupons a lot but I still wish I could so much more for him. Of course, he out did my gift a lot by taking me out to a lovely sushi dinner in Napa and then surprising me with tickets to see the Lion King musical in January. I have heard so many amazing things about that performance but I have never been able to go see it-- until now! I love Kristopher so much, he is truly happy when he is making me happy and I am so grateful to have such a considerate person in my life.

The next moments of happiness (or at least the next that comes to mind) were the people I met in some of my classes-- don't get me wrong, they weren't all nice or interesting but some were great! First off, there is Sarah. She was in one of my summer classes but we didn't talk much then. This quarter, we had a literary drama class together and we started to become really close. She is a big nerd and just as crazy and as stubborn as I am. We both have kind of twisted ideas of what is funny and we both can get pretty intense when something pisses us off. She was really sweet to me when all my financial aid crap fell through. I hope that we have more classes together and we are actually able to hang out beyond the confines of school. In my fiction class, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by a bunch of weirdos who were all extremely nice to me. On the last day of class, a few of them were really insistent that I join them in the intermediate fiction class because they enjoyed having me in this one. Every workshop/discussion class that I have had before, I am usually deemed the "annoying one" because I talk so much and have very strong opinions-- I am never disrespectful but some people see any disagreement with their opinion as disrespectful. Anyway, in this class I had one guy named Patrick say I was one of his favorite people in the class. Another guy named Nate said he liked how I always had insightful and relevant things to say about everyone's work-- I also kept Patrick in check haha. A couple of girls named Joy and Anna were always very sweet to me, saying I wrote well or just enjoyed acting goofy with me. Another guy named Chris always had nice things to say to me and also offered respectable refutes to my opinions. It was overall, a class experience I was not used to but enjoyed immensely. I wish I could be guaranteed that same group of people for every workshop class I have from here on out-- then I know I would have something to look forward to each quarter.

So the another "good" that came from the past few months that piggybacks on the last one is my fiction writing in general. To everyone that knows me, knows me as a poetry writer. I was comfortable as a poetry writer, I won awards, had some things published and generally got a lot of compliments on my poetry; but this quarter however, that sort of changed. I was taking a poetry workshop class alongside my fiction class and the two couldn't be more opposite. The poetry class (most of them anyway) seemed to be thoroughly annoyed my me and my work. Everything I wrote was torn down, everything I said got some sort of negative remark and overall it made me not even bother trying towards the end. Why am I going to pour my heart and soul into poems for this class when they will get mutilated? Well, I won't. So here is the good end of all this-- I was expecting this sort of reaction to my fiction writing, not my poetry. My fiction writing before this quarter was awful-- just bad as bad can be. Yet, this teacher or this group or me in general or a combination of all of it changed my writing and I got a bunch of positive feed back. Better yet, I even liked my fiction, which has never happened before! I wrote some things that surprised me and made me think that someday, I may actually be able to write a decent book. Will I ever be a bestseller-- probably not but I may actually be able to get some small time publisher to print something of mine someday and just feeling like that is possible is amazing to me. I still love poetry but it has always been something I did for myself. I never wanted to share it, but fiction is something I have always wanted to do and always wanted to be able to share. I am just so happy that I can see that happening now. Maybe in the future, I will post some of my fiction writing on here-- that is if anyone would care to read it. 

The last thing I will talk about, even though I know there is a bunch more but this is getting kinda long-- is just all the help I have received. I would have never made it through all these stressful times if it weren't for some amazing people. First, I want to thank my Aunt Eileen-- she helped me so, so, so much with everything lately. She took 20 tons of stress off my back just by being the amazing person she always is. Thank you Eileen! I love you! The rest of my family deserves a thanks too-- they all at one point or another, saved my butt with either a favor or a kind word. I am so lucky to have their love and support. I also want to thank my teachers this quarter, even though they will never read this and I have already thanked them in person numerous times; they deserve it. My sign language teacher has been and still is bending over backwards for me just so I can be graded for her class and possibly take future classes with her. She genuinely wants me to succeed and it is amazing to have someone like that in your corner. My fiction/drama teacher was always so forgiving when I told him I needed extra time for this or that. He gave me such good feedback and actually took a few of my papers to put in his "Hall of Fame" so that he could share them with future classes! I felt like I really have grown as a writer because of him. My poetry teacher deserves a thanks too-- not for her poetry class though but because she listened to all my financial aid woes and gave me some good advice on how to fix it and who to talk to. My wonderful boyfriend-- he is who I will mention last. He was there at the end of every stressful day, acting silly just to make me laugh. He would put money in my account so I could afford gas and food for my family. He would give me little gifts that would brighten my gloomiest days. He has just been so, so very perfect lately. Its times like these when all I want to do is scream and cry and he instead makes me laugh and smile-- that I think he and I could really make this last forever. There is no better way to tell in my opinion then to see how your significant other handles your tough problems. I love him so much and I am so happy to call him mine.

Well, there it all is. I know there is a lot more I could mention but I am happy that I wrote a happy blog for once. I love all of you who have helped me and I appreciate all of those who were kind to me this quarter. Have a happy holidays and I hope to see you all in the new year!